Things I won't tell my mom

xiia0_qingYx

Staring at his strong hands.

Wondering how it feels like to be held by it.

Imagining the warmth of his hands when I slip mine into his

And he'll smile to himself

Keeping his pride.

But he doesn't know that I caught the curve of his lips.

Imagining the cold steel of his watch on his left

How it'd feel like against my wrist

But it's all compensated

When he squeezes my hand assuringly.

He'll get real close to me

making my heart skip a beat

and he'll look deeply into my eyes

telling me I'm beautiful

in a way no other girl can be.

He gets closer

leaning towards me now.

.

.

.

Reality pulled me back

As I caught myself staring at his strong hand with the watch

And I look down smiling at my own foolishness

This is the hand that I'll never get to grasp

This is the hand that I'll never feel the warmth from.

As I stood behind him.

xiia0_qingYx

Dear mum,

I'm sorry if you're frustrated at my skepticism,

I'm brought up not to receive anything at all (including verbally) from STRANGERS

And I'm glad for your inspiration

You inspired me to become a better parent.

And thank you for making me a stronger person.

Thank you for opening my heart to be able to accept, work and live with unreasonable people

Not all parents are able to teach their children that and I'm truly grateful and I feel blessed.

And thank you for showing me a live example of how evil backstabbing really is.

And the biggest sacrifice of hers,

She risked herself

She taught me how to control my urge to murder.

She taught me how to control the violence inherited by both my parents.

And no,

She didn't do all this directly

It was all very indirect.

She risked herself.

For that I really thank you.

Mum, without you, I wouldn't be who I am today.

Thank you mum.

Oh, and the most important of all.

Thank you for teaching me the importance of sarcasm.

I love you mum. I really do. (:

xiia0_qingYx

I feel totally horrible right now.

I feel so sorry for my mum

I could sense her dissapointment.

because she knows I failed 2 subjects.

So, my report card which says I actually failed 4 can just kill her.

And now

You may be thinking.

"Oh, so you care?"

Yeah.

I do

In fact

I care a lot.

Just that I don't show it.

Just that I don't keep quiet all of the sudden.

Just that I don't start crying.

Just that I don't start sulking.

Because I can control my emotions.

Because I can choose to not think about it first

Because I know that it'll make the people around me to feel uncomfortable.

Because I DO feel uncomfortable if someone let loose of her emotions.

And because I don't want to hear people saying

"Don't worry. I got bad results too! We'll drop class together okay?"

Because I know, she knows, we all knows thats a lie.

And so what if I do show my unhappiness.

I feel that I deserve it, so I kept it to myself

Because I know you'll think

"You caused this yourself"

And its true.

So what If I do show my unhappiness.

I'll get responses that I do not want.

Some people would overlook my unhappiness and start complaining about their unhappiness.

Therefore, I would hide mine and console them.

Sometimes, I get tired too.

Some people would lie and say

"I didn't do well too"

And I would want to scream at her face.

Some people would keep quiet with me.

And I would feel awkward.

And I know I'm hard to please and hard to console.

Therefore, most people wouldn't know what to do.

I don't want them to feel that way.

cos I don't want to feel that way myself.

So, I've decided the best way is to hide mine.

In actual fact.

My life is a mess right now.

I've disappointed my mum big time and I'm about to kill her.

I cried a lot

but not at school.

and not with anyone because I can't talk to anyone.

please don't get me wrong.

I don't mind this way.

I just need a small favor now.

please

Don't burden me anymore.

I cannot take it.

If anyone of you thinks I have a problem

Don't tell me.

Let me live in ignorance.

or maybe

I already know.

xiia0_qingYx

The secret to a lasting marriage

DON'T SEE EACH OTHER SO OFTEN

xiia0_qingYx

Beauty is only skin deep

Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder

I love her not because of her looks

Okay,

I'm tired of these oh-i'm-not-vain stuffs.

YOU THINK SLEEPING BEAUTY'S PRINCE WOULD KISS HER AND WAKE HER UP AND MARRY HER IF SHE LOOKS LIKE JANNA UGLY?!

We were taught that looks are as important as our lives since young.

From fairy tales read by our mothers. (My mother didn't la)

So, the next time I come across these stupid ignorant words.

I shall kill everyone within my range.

Oh, and sorry Janna.

I just HAD too.

):

I think I've caught the bully-janna disease.